An inch of tissues

The girl in the next cubicle asked me for a Kleenex today. "Just one?" I asked. "I have a whole box, you can take an inch." She stared at me quizzically in our very quiet office. "An inch?" she whispered. I put my index finger and thumb an inch apart and mimed pinching an inch worth of tissues from my very full, brand new box of Puffs. She smiled, and took an inch of tissues. It is a perfectly acceptable unit of measure for tissues, I think.

Crackerbarrel sells measuring spoons labeled a "smidgen" and a "pinch." A friend told me that he takes a "spot" of honey in his tea. All perfectly acceptable, if slightly unmeasurable, units of measure. My favorite, though, has to be...

There are billboards on I-75 between Orlando and Gainesville for a place that sells Towels by the Pound. I am totally and absolutely fascinated by this place. Three dollars and ninety nine cents for a pound of towels. It brings up so many questions in my mind. Is that a good deal for towels? How much does my towel weigh? How thick are these towels? What size of towels are sold by the pound?

I find a pound of towels very appealing, more for the comedic value after purchase. When a friend comes to visit and forgets a towel, I can say, "Don't worry, I have a pound of towels you can borrow." If something spilled, I could say, "Don't worry, a pound of towels would clean that right up." After buying towels by the pound, I would be armed with all sorts of odd trivia like how many kitchen towels make up a pound or the exact weight of my own hand towels. Each time I passed those I-75 billboards, I imagined the day when I'd actually stop and buy a pound of towels.

I did stop once, and to my dismay, I still don't know the weight of my towels. I can't offer my guests a pound of fresh terry cloth. I didn't buy a pound of anything at this place. What the billboards didn't say was that at this same fine establishment where you could buy a pound of towels, you could buy 10 Florida t-shirts for $5 and small plastic figurines of dolphins by the truckload. The entire place was so tacky, that my dreams of pounds of towels were dashed. The pound-of -towels tables were stacked high with merchandise, but I just couldn't get past the plastic dolphins.

I had that same problem with a roommate once, just couldn't get past the plastic dolphins.