Old and Fabulous

I’m beginning to think that I will make a fabulous crotchety old woman.

I’ve been fairly antisocial lately. I spent the majority of this past weekend in my apartment, alone. I spoke on the phone very little. I did leave once to see a movie (one of those activities you can do outside your home without ever interacting with anyone). I did speak to my mother and to a friend’s answering machine, but beyond that, I was alone.

And I kinda liked it. This realization is leading me to believe that I will make a fantastically cranky old woman.

We all know that I’m opinionated. My mother used to tell a story about how I’d argue with myself if no one else was around. I think I’ll be that kind of old lady. I think I’ll smile a lot and always have peppermints in my purse, but I will also argue until my face is as blue as my hair that my way is right.

I wear glasses when I work at the computer, but I usually put them on top of my head when I’m talking to someone so that the frames don’t get in the way of seeing them clearly. Sometimes when I leave work, I put my sunglasses on without realizing that my other glasses are on top of my head. I don’t know it until I catch my glimpse of my six-eyed self in the rearview mirror. I’m going to be that kind of old lady. The kooky old lady with two pairs of glasses.

“Do you know Paige, the old lady who lives in the house on the corner?” my future neighbors will ask each other in casual conversation. “The one who wears two pairs of glasses? Ah yes, I know her. She’ll argue until her face is as blue as her hair,” they will tell each other. Maybe I could go all out, refuse to get bifocals in my old age and wear another pair of glasses on a chain around my neck. I could keep another pair in my pocket, and two in my purse. I could keep extra pairs around the house like my mother does so that I’d have a pair in every room.

Seriously, you guys are going to want to know me when I’m an old lady. I’m going to be a riot.